Thursday, March 21, 2013

Shopping:the Italian Olympic Sport

But really…..when was the last time an Italian athlete won a gold medal. If you are anything like me you just googled the answer to that question. Apparently they're better athletes than I give them credit for if you count fencing and cycling. Personally I'm willing to chalk that cycling bit up to the fact that public transportation in this country is such complete and utter shit that they are forced at a young age to resort to desperate measures and buy a bike. Let's also be realistic, the amount of carbs these people eat could fuel a freight train for a couple uphill time trials. Option 2 is that through natural selection (aka those who have fast enough reflexes to dodge the idiot drivers) the nimble and quick have survived and inherited excellent dodging skills. Soooo when we piece it all together and you understand why the Italians are great fencers and cyclists…..but really I digress….I propose that we make shopping a new Olympic sport. The Italians are a shoe in! Honestly, I have every intention of working out on purpose one of these days, but frankly once I walk down the hill, do my grocery shopping and drag it all back up my hill I'm positively knackered. I would like to add as a side note that I am NOT in bad shape either. My body is used to lugging around scuba kit and tanks etc, but grocery shopping is going to do me in one of these days. And let me tell you, I cheat. I go straight to the supermarket, grab what I want, and go from there. The Italian moms go to the bakery, the fruit/vegetable stand, the butcher, and probably 12 other places I don't know about…DAILY!!! Because they buy everything so fresh it goes bad the next day. No wonder these people eat so many carbs, living here is so stressful and exhausting you can't help but to mass consume carbs…you burn them off immediately!

Oh that's another thing that blows my mind. Italians and gyms. I don't quite think they get it. Either they go to the gym and pretty much just walk slowly on a treadmill or lazily pedal a bike or they swim. But see when Americans work out we are proud of it. We wear our gym clothes and smell like a sweaty animal for the rest of the day because HEY WORLD WE WORKED OUT!!!!!! I'm sorry did you hear/smell me over there? I WORKED OUT TODAY NOW COMPLIMENT ME!!!!!! Italians however are the epitome of discretion. (I think it comes from the fact that something like 2% of all Italian marriages are single partner marriages) but they go to the gym looking like they just walked off a New York runway and when they leave the gym they look the same. This also applies to swimming. And we're talking makeup and all! So these women spend hours putting on makeup, then they go to the gym, wash it all off, go in the pool, come out and shower and reapply makeup so that they can then go home and take the makeup off before they can go to sleep…..I don't get it.

So after I just burned 500 calories lugging all that up the stairs, I'll be laying in bed, dying and eating suppli (never can get enough of those things plus I deserve them after that) dreaming of a better country where I have consistent internet, barbecue sauce, Heinz ketchup, peanut butter, and I can wear shorts and go diving daily.

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