Sunday, March 24, 2013

Sometimes I really feel like Alice in Wonderland...

Prepare yourself for a potentially whiney post in which I actually say nothing, but insinuate a lot.

I swear nothing in my life ever works the way it is supposed to. I am the epitome of Murphy's Law. I can amuse my friends for hours on end with the latest story of what can possibly go wrong in my life. And those of you who know me, know that the question isn't "what's your life plan" it's "so, what's the plan this week".  Everything in my life is chaos. I know that trying to eliminate stress is kinda a life goal, but frankly everything ties together and seems like an endless spiral. I really really need a job and  frankly not having one is really the root of all these problems. I need to go, but I have no where to go, I have options, but no one willing to commit. I need a plan, but I am dependent on other people to make decisions first. It is a maddening place to be. I have never felt SO out of control of MY life.

As for the other things that contribute to the lunacy of my life....can someone tell me why sane men don't exist? They are all either creeps, or married, or stalkers, or any of 8 million other levels of crazy. I mean don't get me wrong, I pick up men in the funniest ways, but given that I'm usually the only natural blonde within miles in every given country I travel to, I guess it's not all that surprising. This is getting old though/ absolutely ridiculous.

I just honestly hate the definition of normal. Who up and decided what normal should mean? We think it means a house, a husband, a solid job, and a dog. But what if normal is really just where our heart is. There's a country song by Lady Antebellum that says,

"mamma said home is where the heart is when i left that town
made it all the way to West Virginia and that's where my heart found
exactly where it's supposed to be, didn't take much time"

Part of my heart will always be in California, permanently attached to Disneyland, no I'm kidding, but part of my heart will always be with my family, so that always will be home in a way, and for some reason a piece of it chipped off in Africa. I have known that for years and every time I am there I fall a little bit more in love with it. But for now I am perfectly content to travel. To meet new people and to change lives, and at the moment I can do that through diving. Maybe someday I'll get my teaching credentials or finish college, but I think for now normal for me is wandering around the world. But like normal I'm pretty sure life has a different plan that it doesn't feel inclined to tell me about.

The truth is I'm getting restless. I've never been able to stay with something for very long, and Rome has been great, but it's time for me to go. I would love to picturitize and gif this post, but my internet hates me at the moment (another perk of this damn country), so I promise I'll make the next one interesting!

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