Thursday, February 21, 2013

The Italian Chronicles Continue

Right so I wrote the other day about Italian men. Let me just catch you all up on the epic disaster that was my night last night/this morning. Oh I do hope he doesn't read this, but then again I suppose I would just get another romance novel worthy text message from him apologizing for not being good enough. I'm gonna break this down by times so you get a bit of a grip on the ridiculousness of the situation.

7pm-He calls me and is like ok well I'm on my way into a meeting and I will be done around 8:30 would you like to go to dinner with me? I think about this and I'm like you know what sure, my life needs some adventure. I guess I kinda assumed that he was in Rome, stupid of me right? But never in my mind did the thought pass that he would be driving from 2 hours away to see me. So I figured that he says 8:30 let's assume it'll really be 9.

9pm-sure enough I get another call from him. Oh I'm just leaving now and on my way I will see you in one and one half hours. Uhhhh where are you exactly? Oh you're in L'Aquila? Ok so you're telling me you are going to drive 1.5-2 hours here see me and then go home? I think you're insane. No I need to see you. Ok fine whatever I do nothing with my life.

11pm-After getting massively lost and I dunno what else he finally gets to my apartment. He says he's hungry and wants to go get food. I laugh because well let's be honest it's 11pm on a Wed night in Rome and those of us who live here know that NOTHING is open. So we are driving out of my neighborhood and he is super lost so he tells me to take him to Piazza Clodio. (If my internet was working I would plot out all those points so you can see the stupidity but alas it is not really for more than text) Ok so somehow we end up at Stadio Olimpico and Foro Italico. We have literally been arguing the whole time because I am trying to get him to Clodio and he is telling me that I am going the wrong way from where I want to go. Ok FINE go your way. So he does and we end up at Stadio Olimpico. Meanwhile he is lecturing me on Roman architecture and living spaces. Awwww that's cute, it's not like I'm an archeology major in Rome or anything. Then he tries to tell me it's Foro Olimpico and Stadio Olimpico. I drew the line at that one. I've been in there, I've seen it, I know my shit dude. Ok so he decides that I obviously need a history lesson and decides to take me up to the observatory.

12am-Observatory. He calls it Monte Antennea. Don't know don't care. So we are looking over everything and still arguing over this whole Olimpico/Italico thing, and he tries to tell me that Mussolini built the modern bridge….let me think about this…NO. He built the gateway to Rome you idiot. Well I diplomatically try to explain this and he cuts me off to inform me that look you can see the olimpic village on this side of the river. Awkward moment when it's definitely across the river and that's why Mussolini built the bridge. Anyways he is still whining about food and he's like there's a bar nearby where they have good pastries and you can take a pastry while i get dinner so I'm like sure. Knowing this place is NEVER going to be open.

1230am-He finally finds this place after driving in circles. Literally this place has been closed for hours. It's not even like they're just closing, these people are done gone and at home asleep. So then we set off again cause he has an idea. Meanwhile he begins to lecture about pareole and zec and how the upper and lower classes of Rome are so divided. Somewhere in here we start a heated debate about meaning vs significance of words and how language gives words meaning blah blah blah. Heated=I'm clearly wrong because I am a woman.

1am-We end up at Ponte Milvio. (apparently pareole land) and while insulting everyone he decides to find food here. He drags me into like 5 places all of which are like uhhhh sorry we are closing. Of course they are you idiot it's 1am in Rome! ok so we once again set off cause he wants to show me his old university and he swears there's a bar that is open 24 hours a day.

130am-We find the university. All the lights are off so he pulls up against the gate and turns his brights on. Sketch anyone. Ok so we drive around someone and he shows me some more stuff and honestly at this point I don't know don't care. I'm really just humoring him. Now everyone who knows me knows that my family and friends joke about me turning into a pumpkin at 2am and let me tell you they are not wrong.

2am-FINALLY! He finds a place that is open. For future reference there are 2 bars very close to the UK Embassy near Piazza Fiume and one of them sells phenomenal pastries. Ok anyways we end up here and have pastries and a drink. And on our way back to the car I am cranky as can be and am like look I just want to go homeeeeee. So he agrees but of course he has NO idea how to get anywhere. Thank you GPS I got this. Big surprise he doesn't listen.

3am-Yes it took us an hour to get home on empty street and we drove by like 3 other things including Piazza del Popolo and uhhhh something else, I frankly didn't care at that point. I finally got home at 3 am and woke up to a really epic collection of text messages which I shall decode/show you now.

5am-I've have to say you're so beautiful I had no words to express it. I have to go back to a school of english to learn a whole dictionary to speak with you. For now it'd be enough knowing you've been fine with me tonight. I did nothing special for a truly special girl I had the opportunity spending some time with. I'm really glad I could have known a girl like you. And yes, my chances with you are hopeless. You are a girl finding a way to live everywhere. I'm a man wanting a girl to stay wherever she wanted to stay. Could we make it work? Have a nice trip in Ecuador, Malaysia, whereveryourgoing. Tell me when you'll be back. Send me a postcard if you can, I like them with real paper stamps. You've got my address. Goodnight little blonde spaz in light blue coat ( I do really like it!! )


3:30pm-Suddenly it is clear that I'm afraid to lose you and we couldn't meet anymore.  I'm going to push away these thoughts until after you came to L'Aquila, cause you'll come, won't you?

All I can say is AHHHHHHH!!!!!! Italian men are insane. I am sure updates will follow on the hilarity of this nonsense. For now look forward to tomorrows blog on the perils of shaving in Italy. Yes photos are included, not they aren't sketchy, and yes you might need to sit down for it before you fall over laughing. AKA don't read it in class or in public.

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